Does anyone have a husband who travels a lot for work?
From:
AZ&NMgal 
Date: 9/6/2006 at 12:13 AM
My husband is a software engineer and his job at times requires him to travel. I'm fine with a three day trip here and there but his last trip has been a 2 month trip to Pittsburgh. We have done long distance before (while I was in school and he had graduated and moved away) so we know how to make it work. I just found out tonight that after he gets back, they want him to go somewhere else for 2 weeks. I'm starting to get to be very tried of this and I feel as though I'm i a very tough position. My husband is incredibily smart. He was offered this job before he had even graduated, in part to his 4.0 GPA, and he has been working there for over three years now. He has a work ethic that you just can't believe. And because of his intelligence and his ability to work so hard he has climbed up the ladder. He is now known as an expert in some of his fields. So this all results in him being sent all over the country to help people learn the defense software he develops. As I mentioned he graduated before me and I moved from my home and family in NM to be with him AZ. It's been very difficult out here because we did not know anyone or have any family out here. We've made some friends, but nothing like what I left at home. Not to mention, it's hard at times being in a different state then all of your family. So anyways, I'm just having a very difficult time trying to be supportive of his job without feeling as though I'm being left out of the equation. I moved out here to be with him, only to be here by myself since he's hardly ever here. As I mentioned, he's very good at what he does and he actually is one of the few people who likes his job. I just feel as though I'm competing with this job and I don't like that. His job has allowed us a much nicer life style then I thought we would ever have, but all I really want is my husband! Does anyone else have these problems? How can I continue to support him when I feel that my marriage is missing one crucial component - the husband! Thanks and sorry for this being so long.
Replies:
From:
Lizaswedding
Date: 9/6/2006 at 9:45 AM
Well, lets see, I understand what you are going thru. We have a similar situation on the travel; the difference is that I travel just as much so we never see each other. I would recommend that you find things that make you happy and that you can do on your own wheather he's home or not. Look into a class, any kind of class that you enjoy, go to the gym, read, find projects arround the house, volunteer somewhere and things like that. I have a list of 100 things to do at home that I never have time to do because I'm not there. Then when DH is home he just wants me to be with him, and then the list grows and grows... I know it sounds bad, but I actually enjoy when DH is gone and I'm home alone so I can get all those little things done. But I guess that's just the way I am. My parents and my sister live in the same city that we do, and I have some friends but I'm not a very social person so I LOVE my alone time... I actually complain about not having enough alone time.
From:
amm
Date: 9/6/2006 at 12:26 PM
my husband has been traveling alot this year over sea's for work. 6 weeks here two weeks there and I dont like it at all. i have gotten used to it alittle but I dont like to be home alone all the time. After this year they said he will only have to go 3 days a month so Im fine with that but those long trips suck!!!!! I feel for you ;o)
From:
aussiegirl28
Date: 9/6/2006 at 1:04 PM
Was he travelling this much before you got married and before you moved to be with him in AZ? Or is this a more recent development? If it's something that was happening before you moved, then I'm not really sure that there's much you can do about it, because you knew the situation going in. However, if the travelling is recent, then I suggest you try talking with your husband and explaining to him how you feel. How does he feel with being away all the time? Does he have the same feelings as you do?
I took a job a few months ago that requires me to travel Monady - Thursday every week, so I know how you feel. I think it sucks, and it's my job that's doing it!
My husband is a workaholic - works 60+ hours per week - I hardly ever see him when i'm at home. I knew how much he worked going into our marriage, and as much as I hate it, I feel like right now there's not much I can say about it. Like your husband, mine has an incredible work ethic, and his work is a big part of what makes him happy. I know that if he took another job to spend more time at home, in the end he wouldn't be happy and he'd resent me.
All I suggest is that you talk to your DH and find out his feelings. If he's not willing to change jobs to something more local, then like the pp said, you should find things to do when he's gone, take up new hobbies, join a gym, etc.
Good Luck.
From:
AZ&NMgal
Date: 9/6/2006 at 4:28 PM
Thanks girls for the responses. You guys are right - I will try to take up more hobbies to take my mind off of it all. It just seems that nothing is as much fun when my DH isn't around. But once again, thanks!
From:
pbear
Date: 9/6/2006 at 6:07 PM
I'm late in answering this but yes, my husband travels weekly for anywhere from 3-6 days for 11 months of the year and then in January (his off month) he has to travel for a few days. It's hard, and there are times when it's even harder...holidays, friends birthdays, etc...when you don't want to be alone or go somewhere by yourself. I keep very busy with volunteering and working extra when he is gone so I can work less when he is home.
Make sure you talk to him about your feelings, too!
From:
OrangeLuna
Date: 9/6/2006 at 6:18 PM
My husband travels on a weekly basis. I take him to the airport Monday morning and pick him up Friday afternoon. He has been doing this now for 2 years. I am at a breaking point with it though. We moved to AZ in sept of last year and I don't know hardly anyone here... no family or close friends... it's really hard. He refuses to understand.
Elle Victoria ~ EDD 7*25*08
Baby Luna's Site
From:
July23Bride
Date: 9/6/2006 at 9:08 PM
I'm a bit late in responding, but I just wanted to say the first poster is absolutely correct. Start doing some things that interest you and you'll find life a lot more satisfying.
My husband travels a LOT for work and his schedule is totally unpredictable (which adds a whole other element to the situation). I also travel some for work, so that doubles the difficultly of spending time together.
I know exactly what you mean about being resentful and feeling like you've taken a backseat to his job. I felt that way for a long time, especially when we were dating. However by taking up my hobbies and focusing on things that interest me, I've come to enjoy the time to myself. Also, I end up dealing with a lot of stuff by myself and it makes me feel good to know I'm still independent and I can hold my own if I need to.
Plus, I get a kick out of planning fun things to do when DH gets back. Since he's gone all the time, he usually just wants to hang out at home, but I still like to make an attempt at suprising him or doing something out of the ordinary. It gives me something to look forward to.
It's also important to keep a positive attitude. If you let this get you down, it will. If you decide you're going to be happy about it, it won't seem so bad. :)
From:
WendyMc
Date: 9/6/2006 at 9:55 PM
I agree with July23. We just moved to Chicago and DH travels often for
his job while I am still currently unemployed. I am pretty upset when
he leaves for travel because I haven't yet established things that are
my own here such as hobbies or even a job. Just try to see the bright
side of it. Your DH is a successful guy who I am sure is only working
so hard for the benefit of you as a couple. That's how I try to think
about it. For now, I am trying to find things to involve myself
in to keep my mind off DH not being here. Although I'll admit, it's not
been easy for me, but I'm going to keep working at it. :)
From:
AZ&NMgal
Date: 9/7/2006 at 12:22 AM
Hey girls! Once again, thanks for the posts. I hate to hear other girls upset, but it does help to know that other women feel the same way as me. Knowing that helps me to realize I'm not thinking too out of line here. To answer some questions from above, no he really didn't travel that much before we were married. A few three day trips here and there, but nothing much. As I mentioned, he's becoming quite the expert and the guy in high demand so now he's being sent all over to accomodate everyone. So the traveling definitely has increased over the last year or so. I have talked to him and he agrees with me that he doesn't like the traveling/being apart either. It's sort of like a no win situation though because there's nothing that he can do about it, other than quit. Which that's the dead end part. As I mentioned, he really likes this job so it doesn't seem that quitting is an option. Fortunately, this is the only negative part of his job and the postives are really great. It's just a really big negative, that's all. Well, once again - thanks for listening to me! Chatting with you girls definitely helps me to not feel quite so lonely :)
From:
ceecee31
Date: 9/7/2006 at 8:39 PM
I'm late in posting, but just had to chime in being as though my husband travels alot for work, too. I have a pretty similar schedule to one of the other ladies who stated that she drops her husband off at the airport on Monday and doesn't see him again until the end of the week.
My advice is to just hang in there and really try to enjoy the "alone time". It's always good for couples to have their own personal time. And then, when he comes home, you guys can catch up, say how much you've missed each other, and you end up really cherishing the time you spend together. I know when my husband comes home, I'm so happy he's back.
I hope this helps. In the meantime, hang in there. You guys will eventually come to a point where everything works out.
From:
deemariegirlie
Date: 9/8/2006 at 7:52 PM
DH doesn't travel alot, but he does spend a few weeks out when he does. The past two times are when we've been moving too. Hmm....
I think we all hate it. I just spend time doing the things that drive him crazy: filing my nails, watching girly movies, hanging out at the craft store...
Perhaps your hubby's ambition and determination can lead to a great career that keeps him at home or even a business of his own.
From:
klover
Date: 9/10/2006 at 1:25 AM
It's great that your husban has found a career he loves so much and is so good at! Do you think he could talk to his boss about cutting down on the traveling? Taking you along on some trips? Or possibly if he could switch to a position that didn't include as much traveling that he would still excel in? If that doesn't work out theres still the option of him looking into and possibly concidering other companies doing what he loves that might not require as much traveling or traveling at all.
From:
Lorain
Date: 10/6/2006 at 12:02 AM
My husband also travels a lot, 2 months gone and then month and half back and same thing. I am really tired of it, we don't have children or pets. I am not american, and left my family friends and nice job to move here and marry him because I love him. But if I had known of all this before I wouldn't have done it. I've made some friends, and also work but it's not the same. I try hard to remain independent, but it gets to the point when simple things make the difference. When I first approach my husband he refused to get another job, now he says he is trying but in the midterm he is gone traveling all the time. I'll wait a couple more months to see if really gets another job, otherwise I'll leave him. I am not having childrens and raising them alone, specially when I have no family here, and his family is far away and won't be able to help. Good luck to all of you in my shoes, it's really a not nice situation to be in.
From:
Lorain
Date: 10/6/2006 at 12:02 AM
My husband also travels a lot, 2 months gone and then month and half back and same thing. I am really tired of it, we don't have children or pets. I am not american, and left my family friends and nice job to move here and marry him because I love him. But if I had known of all this before I wouldn't have done it. I've made some friends, and also work but it's not the same. I try hard to remain independent, but it gets to the point when simple things make the difference. When I first approach my husband he refused to get another job, now he says he is trying but in the midterm he is gone traveling all the time. I'll wait a couple more months to see if really gets another job, otherwise I'll leave him. I am not having childrens and raising them alone, specially when I have no family here, and his family is far away and won't be able to help. Good luck to all of you in my shoes, it's really a not nice situation to be in.
From:
LoriLynnette
Date: 2/23/2007 at 4:07 AM
My husband also travels Monday to Friday. I am picking him up at the airport late Friday night. Does anyone plan to travel with their spouse? That's what we are deciding to do. I don't work, and when he gets enough frequent flyer miles, off I go. Nothing supper glamorous, virginia, Memphis, maybe San Fran sisco. This seems like it will work for us.
From:
LizandWin
Date: 2/28/2007 at 4:53 PM
FUCKING DELETE MY ENTIRE ACCOUNT!!!!
YOU HAVE THESE DUMB ASS BITCHES TALKING SHIT ABOUT ME AND MY FAMILY
AND WHEN I REPLY I GET THIS BULLSHIT AGGRAVATION!!! FLAMES FOREVER!!!
SO FUCKING DELETE MY ACCOUNT!!! BITCHES!!!!!
From:
beemli
Date: 12/9/2009 at 7:07 PM
This is a response to this old post - such an old post...its three years later and i am going through this... only i think about not being married anymore.... I still love my husband but im tired of trying to get his attention and feel like when he gets back from trips ... that I should not have to.... He is addicted to his phone, his laptop and watching TV... I have shared how I feel ... now im just trying to decide if I need to suck it up and deal with it or get a divorce. We are going to couseling too - when he is in town which is not very often.... Oh and we have a gorgeous one year old. I dont REALLy want a divorce but Im tired of feeling like a single mom with a mans credit card..... I want the man!